hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
