Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
