Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
3 2 1 whiskey
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
