sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
