i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize