Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
