Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
