All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
