we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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