God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
