I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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