I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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