okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
