I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
