There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
