i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
