Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
