trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize