things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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