Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mom said you looked used
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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