You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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