R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
