Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
