is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize