Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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