My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
