She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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