Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
