I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize