You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
