Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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