He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
