true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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