I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
