...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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