Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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