brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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