Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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