She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
