turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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