peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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