my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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