The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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