I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
