that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
