you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This house was built for laser tag.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
