I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
