i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
