I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you win again, gameday.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
