At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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