suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize