Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize