watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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