So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
