this boner is exhausting
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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