And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
