I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
