I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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