they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
