In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
