I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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