The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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