I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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