Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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