my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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