Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
