my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize