I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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