Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize