the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize