i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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