I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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